You suddenly find yourself wondering, “Maybe money is the solution to life’s problems and I should pursue it at all costs, even if it means getting hurt and shrinking down to a balding, shorter version of myself.” The platforming feels great, and the game features all the mechanics I love about the Wario Land series that make it stand apart from Mario. You carry keys through the level to unlock the exit door. You collect familiar power-ups, like a dragon hat that breathes fire, or a pair of horns that makes you more powerful. I felt nostalgia for it despite playing it for the first time. Playing it felt like discovering an unfamiliar album from a beloved band, or watching an old film I didn’t know was made by my favorite director. While nothing could have saved the Virtual Boy, after subjecting myself to about three hours of Virtual Boy gameplay to complete Virtual Boy Wario Land, I believe that had the game been available at launch, the legacy conversation surrounding the console could have been slightly more positive.įrom there, it’s a proper Wario Land game, and I love it for that. The used system came with Mario Tennis, and I separately purchased Virtual Boy Wario Land. I’ve occasionally checked eBay over the years to see how much the system costs in 2021, my wife took notice on our shared eBay account and inexplicably bought me one before I could explain why I wanted it, which was good because I never could have come up with a worthwhile argument. The Virtual Boy is my biggest Nintendo blind spot, which is ironic considering it is the Nintendo console most likely to make me go blind. Knowing all this, I have still always wanted to play one. For context, Nintendo’s second worst-selling console is the Wii U, which sold about 13 million units. Fewer than a million Virtual Boys were sold. Sales were so poor that Nintendo abandoned the system within months of its release. Eye strain from playing is such a concern that the default settings of every game force you to take a break every 20 minutes. You play by staring into a headset that must be placed on a table, which hurts your back. Useless dual D-pads are the least of the system’s problems. I remember standing on my tiptoes in a Sears department store, straining to hold my head against the headset to catch a glimpse of the future with Mario Tennis, all while trying to figure out why I needed two D-pads – a question that eludes me to this day. Virtual Boy Wario Land takes advantage of the Virtual Boy platform, which eluded me most of my life.
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